Out with the Old, in with the New

One of these reflective posts again, if you don't like them, I suggest you skip this one.

When I look back on 2007, I don't even know how to begin to describe it. I had some of my greatest moments along with some of my worst. It was all over the place.

The beginning of the year brought on a new relationship. One I wasn't entirely ready for or ready to accept fully, but it happened, and I'm glad. I adventured on some major physical feats, including joining gymnastics and doing a 40km hike.

The summer was tough but also fun. I had to straighten out some things that were really bothering me on a personal level. Dave also lived with me for the summer. That was fun and interesting. It proved to me that I'm not un-livable, as I previously thought. Brett and Alnaar got married. My Dad retired. I tried to mend some bridges the best I knew how from 2006. It was really interesting. I had my first real nervous breakdown. I don't recommend it.

The fall I got to be a part of Barbara and Brant's wedding. Darrell and I found a niche that worked, and we got to know and trust eachother more. And I started to do alot more of the things that made me me again. Overall it was just a time to make myself happy and be comfortable again. And I really am.

To summarize the year, I really regained my self confidence back. It was really bruised in the breakup in 2006.

Hopefully this next year will be a little more even kiltered. I solved alot of the things that were making me off kilter in 2007, psychologically, personally and even chemically. 2008 is already bringing lots of big questions that need answers, and I'm going to have to face some decisions I've been putting off for a little while now. Examples being, deciding what I'm doing on the job front and relationship fronts. 2008 will be the time to really really think about these, while not allowing outside pressure to influence my decisions. I will be doing alot more travelling in 2008 as well. They key is not to stress and just enjoy. Life is all about change, and if you can't adapt, you're going to have a 2007 every year. I wish I could list all the revelations I had this year, but I can't, there's way too many.

I guess I was right in stating the fact that life didn't really begin until after school was over, but that was only because I wouldn't let it, it wasn't really a reality, just something that happened because I believed that. The biggest lesson I learned of all this year, was to live for today, not for the future. You miss alot of things waiting for things that may or may not happen. Having dreams and goals doesn't need to mean putting everything in life on hold until you get there.

Also, I learned that when I worry about things, I need to tell people, otherwise they drive me crazy. There are so many times in the last 2 years where I wish I would have vocalized them more. I'm better about them now. The key is having people that you're comfortable confiding in, and who won't freak out. Alot of times I was more fearful of the reaction that someone got from my worries than the actual thing I was worrying about. And when that happens it's almost instant panic attack. Most of the time the worry isn't even significant. But if there's a reaction to it, then my brain goes crazy. The key is to not even get to that point. Also I learned that high drama people, elicit high drama reactions in me.

Wow, this got way more reflective than I thought. I invite everyone to reflect on the past year a little, and then let it go to make way for 2008.

Happy New Years!

The holidays

So far the holidays have been quite good to me. I really can't believe I'm only here in Regina for another day. This week has gone by so fast! I'm not even close to being bored yet. That's usually the norm for me around Christmas, I usually get bored. I haven't had the time to be bored.

I spent quite a bit of time with Darrell's family. We had lots of fun. They held a chinese gift exchange with random stuff from their basement. I'm happy to say I came out of it with a cooler! Score! Darrell unfortunately won some sorta solar battery charger, I think he traded it in for something else from the basement.

My family did our usual Christmas eve supper with our cousins. I had some mighty delicious stuffed trout. It was yummy. For Christmas Santa left me all kind of goodies, including a George Forman ( I opened it and exclaimed "It's George!"), and new pots and pans, they were desperately needed. I also got lots of socks, and a really nice ring from Darrell. It's white gold and has 3 hearts with diamonds on it. It's purdy. Also got a purple purse to match my purple pumps. And Mario Galaxies for Wii. And BBQ tools! No more dinner fork and jumping out of the way of flames for me! We watched a tonne of movies Christmas day. Including Pee Wee Herman's Christmas special. Let me tell you, that was entertaining! Who knew that he knew so many famous gay people, wow!

Dave, Angelica, Darrell and I went toboganning on Christmas Eve. It was a blast, I have many a bruise. Crazy Carpets like to sideways alot and then catch an edge and then you go rolling down the hill. It was much fun. Dave seemed to have the most skills with sliding.

Boxing day we went real sledding. Darrell and I took the ski doos for a rip around the lake. So much fun. Well once Darrell got used of going fast enough anyways. A couple times I had to stop and wait.

The 'high school reunion + Wes' party was also entertaining. I hadn't seen everyone in so long. I didn't get as good of a visit in as I wanted to with everyone but a glimpse was good.

And then I'm all booked until Toni's party on Friday in S'toon. Man how time flies. I could use some more of this vacationing and fun.

Also we have a guest rabbit over the holidays. We're taking care of Ian's rabbit. He is so cute. I could take him home. Ian calls him McLovin', Kristen calls him George, I call him BunnyRat. He likes to be pet and comes to you when you go near his cage. I've got him to flop over on his side on command almost, and he plays with you. He'll charge at you and stomp his foot when he's playful, he'll also try to push you around. He's cute. Pumpkin doesn't really bother with him either and he doesn't seem to care about Pumpkin, seems to be working out.

Thought I'd give you all an update. I'll be back hopefully soon to write my new year's wishes and goals. Too much visiting and fun to be had!

Anticipation

Whew, finally a break. Well I'm just compiling but it's some sort of mental break anyways.

It's been so busy at work that I didn't even realize that tomorrow is friday! Yay Friday! Yay Christmas break. Darrell's sister and boyfriend are staying at my place tomorrow night, stopping over in s'toon before they go to Regina. They were going to sleep on Darrell's floor, but I'm pretty excited to have someone use my guest room. I think only a handful of people have. No one visits me (I'm looking in your direction mom and dad). Also Blair's bday is Saturday so he's having a party friday night with plenty of eggnog. I plan on conducting an experiment to see how many rum and eggnogs it takes for it to curdle in my stomach while sitting in a hot tub. Don't tell me the answer, I need to experiment!! ;) Then Sat morning we'll head down to Regina.

I felt absolutely terrible this morning. Not sick but just terrible. I had one of those dreams where you relive past experiences in your life, almost to the exact moment. And then you wake up feeling exactly the same as you did in that moment. No fun. My dreams are so vivid too, sometimes it's hard to tell it didn't happen. Last night I relived June 7th, 2006. (See, must've been a monumental day if I can remember the exact date.) On a similar humorous note, a couple months ago I had a 'made up' dream that Darrell had taken a phone call and went to Calgary to do a booty call with his ex girlfriend. I told him not to go but he went. In the morning when I woke up, I was actually mad at him. And I mean really mad at him. The poor guy did nothing, but I felt very hostile towards him. So I had to tell him about that one so I could distinguish between real life and dreams, and we had a good laugh and I wasn't mad anymore. But that's how vividly I dream. It's pretty crazy.

Equilibrium

0
Equilibrium

I was there for you when you were down,
I thought if I were cheery, I could pick us both up
-1

I tried my best to make everything right.
Your problems became my problems and I worried for the both of us
-1

I started to ignore myself and just trusted I was on the right path.
I tried to fix everything for the both of us
-1

I stumbled and fell.
I was hoping that you'd do the same for me as I did for you.


But instead you piled more and more of you on top of me
And I couldn't recover, I couldn't get up.
-1 + -1 + -1 + -1 + -1 .................

I no longer could be happy for both of us
I no longer could worry for both of us
I no longer could fix things for both of us
I couldn't get up.
=

I learned I could be happy for me +1
I learned I could worry for me +1
I learned I could fix me +1
I had to crawl out from under the pile. 1+1+1+1........

And here I am again.
0

It's almost here!

Work is crazy this week. I can see the lights are still on there. Darrell and I were supposed to go see a movie but he had to work overtime. I worked some as well too. I'll be happy to see friday come.

Everything for Christmas is ready to go around here. All the presents are wrapped. Good thing to because I ran out of wrapping paper on the very last present. And it keeps me from buying more stuff for Darrell since then I'd have to go buy more wrapping paper. I think he has enough under the tree as it is. It's pretty packed under there. It looks so pretty, I should take another picture. I've been cleaning like crazy this week. One thing I hate is being away for a week and coming back to chaos. Everything is organized and clean again. My bedroom looks like a department store bedroom again. I find it funny how I have the goal of having my bedroom looking like a department store. I don't know where that came from. Sleeping in a mall would be cool, no? Maybe it's just that it represents perfection. Yeah that could be it.

Speaking of my bedroom I don't think I told blog world that my new curtains are up! Yay! They look so nice, and they hang so level and straight and centered and can probably support grown men doing chin ups on the rod. Well that part is thanks to Darrell. I did spend about 4 hours trying to use the self hemming strip that came with them, ironing, steaming and hanging. They were alot of work, but I think it was worth it. I will also have to take a picture but the battery in my camera is dead right now and I don't feel like looking for the charger at the moment.

The skating rink at the Bess has been taunting me the last couple days. I so want to just grab my skates and go. Maybe thursday, there's just so much to do, and I don't want to be skating without anyone around after dark, that's not safe, and that would mean getting out of work before dark, hmmmm......

oh friday, why aren't you here?

My 2007 Meme

1) Where did you begin 2007?:
At Paul and Jeff's house opening christmas crackers, I still use the magnet paperclip that came out of it.

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?:
I was single, but little did I know I was being pursued.

3) Were you in school anytime this year?
No way! wow, one full year without school, scary.

4) How did you earn your money?:
My feminine whiles, I mean programming software for da man.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Well not for me, but I did some visiting.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?:
No, that was 2006 where I had the police under my control

7) Where did you go on holiday?:
I guess Calgary, and the lake

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?:
Nothing this year, unless property taxes and car insurance count. I had to save up from expensive lawyer bills from 2006.

9) Do you know anybody who got married?:
Quite a few!

10) Do you know anybody who passed away?:
Yes I did.

11) Did you move anywhere?:
Not at all. Wow, I've owned this place for over a year, scary.

12) What concerts/shows did you go to?
All the Junos events. Yeah that's right, it was in Saskatoon. Shout Out Out Out Out rocked.

13) Are you registered to vote?:
Yeppers and NDP won in my riding. Unfortunately it wasn't the majority. I could go on a rant about the SaskParty.....

14) Who did you want to win Big Brother?:
Never saw it. Darrell watched the Australian one I remember. But I don't recall any of the happenings or events.

15) Where do you live now?:
Downtown Saskatoon, by the river. Fortunately not in a van.

16) Describe your birthday:
Huge lake party with family and friends. There were feats of endurance and strength, food, guitar playing, trampolining, bocce ball.....

17) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?:
I could summarize in one word and it would be witty and fun but very crude. I entertain myself sometimes.

18) What has been your favourite moment?:
There were lots of favs. Quote from Feb 14th 2007:
Me: "These are just 'I want to be friends' gestures right? I mean any friend would spend hours repackaging salty snacks into a heart shaped candy box right?"
Shannon: "Uh, I think you need to re-connect your dots better"


19) What's something you learned about yourself?:
It's okay to tell people how I'm feeling. You can't argue with how you feel.

20) Any new additions to your family?:
Not yet. I'm planning to get Stan the Siamese Fighting Fish in the new year.

21) What was your best month?:
I can't pick one, I was all over the scale in the best of em.

22) What music will you remember 2007 by?:
I dunno, my music tastes are so varied, I couldn't pick.

23) Who has been your best drinking buddy?:
I really haven't done alot of drinking this year. I don't even know what is in my liquor cabinet. But when I did, oh man. I'd have to say Angelica. She knows why, best drinking buddy a gal could ask for.

24) Made new friends?:
I suppose I did

25) Best NEW friend?:
I dunno

26) Favourite night out?:
The work christmas party was lots of fun. Before and after the party was fun too.

27) Three people you've dated?:
Darrell
Dan

28) Have you kissed any of the three from #27?:
yeah...

29) Did you kiss anyone of the same sex?:
No

30) Something you're looking forward to before 2008?:
yeah I'm looking forward to the friends christmas party as well on the 23rd.

31) Where will you start 2008?:
Also not sure yet and I seem to be organizing again. I'll figure it out soon.

The Weekend before Christmas Weekend!

Haven't had much time to be on here lately. Lots to do at work, then when I get home even more to do.

Christmas shopping and wrapping is almost complete. I have one gift left to buy and wrap and I'm done. I ran out of tape the other day in the middle of wrapping. It was quite sad, I had been wrapping for 2 hours straight and wasn't really sick of it, I was on a roll! So that forced me to stop.

I finally got a new hair cut. I'm excited. It's been like 3 years with the same hairstyle. That is definitely not fun. I'm still figuring this hairstyle out, it looks good though.

Yesterday was the end of the beard growing competition at work. Shannon and I judged it again. We made a couple modifications to the judging scheme. This year we gave away small ribbons for the best in each category: rugged handsomeness, length, thickness, and resembles a sasquatch. Blair won the last category. We made them all buttons and ribbons with the category that we won. Also we took the trophy away from last year's winner and reconfigured it so that we could keep engraving names on it and pass it around to the over all winner. We had to re-glue the beard back on the trophy too, but it shouldn't come off again. Alex dropped out of the contest early, he had to shave his beard to go to a funeral. So yesterday he came around with a bribe, a cookie and an orange and link to this blog. I've never been one to not accept a bribe, so we made a new category last minute. I made a ribbon for him out of stray office supplies for the "Alex Bearded Spirit Award". The ribbon had a fake beard and mustache glued on that I made out of sharpie pen and a post-it. It was pretty sweet, and Alex looked surprised. We held the award presentation at Fuddruckers, where all the guys also decided to have an eating contest at the same time. They all tried to eat 1lb burgers. Kerry ate a 2lb burger in less than 10 mins! It was inhumane!

The Christmas party rocked this year. We had lots of fun and check out the pictures on the right, they tell the story better than me ;)

Sweet Memories

Today is the day of the work Christmas party. I'm excited about it. It'll be lots of fun. I had so much fun last year. Eating, dancing, drinking, more eating, more drinking.

This afternoon, I've been trying to rest up. So I did my christmas cards. It's nice to look back on the last year and wish people well. It really makes you take a look at who has influenced your life in the last year. Aw, I'm all nostalgic and happy.

I'd really like to wish an Ex and their family Merry Christmas. But I think that's taboo and I don't want to stir up anything. So a blog entry and the nice thought will have to do.

I'm excited about Christmas and spending it with my family and Darrell's family. I think I can truthfully say that this year I'm really looking forward to Christmas. I have no quarams or concerns. I'm having so much fun shopping and wrapping and decorating and volunteering. I'm really looking forward to the holidays.

New Year's is still up in the air. Darrell's friends have rented a cabin and are going out there. It sounds like a blast, snow tubing and zip lining in the snow. And Barbara, Toni and Brant want to go dancing, which is also tonnes of fun. Decisions, decisions. Plus we've been doing this for a number of years now, it wouldn't be new year's without them!

Well it's time to start prettying myself up for the Christmas party! Did I mention it's formal? I love Christmas!

Piano Blink

I absolutely love this song. If I heard it last year I probably would of started bawling. But now I can just smile at it and reminisce bittersweet-ly, because everything now is okay.

Song: Piano Blink
Artist: Hawksley Workman

Let’s lie and say that it’s alright
Let’s lie and say that it’s alright
When we fight together
Let’s say we’re happy even though, even though
Let’s be happy even though,
we know we’re both done tryin'

How would we know
That we’d both end up cryin'
They say let go
I guess we’re still stuck tryin'
I get too nervous
I’m lost in this heartbreak
How long will this love keep me down

It started innocent at first, at first
It started with some sweetheart words that I strung together
And then we saw each other’s eyes, each other’s eyes
And it was like seeing the starry night for the very first time.

Remember when
We both said it’s forever
C’mon baby
Were we just being clever
I get too nervous
I’m lost in this heartbreak
How long will this love take me down

Some things don't softly go
But it’s over now
Somebody gonna hurt somebody
It’s over now
Somebody gonna hurt somebody
Some things things don't softly go
But it’s over now
Somebody gonna hurt somebody
It’s over now
Somebody gonna hurt somebody

They say it happens all the time, all the time
That early love will make you blind as a sun eclipsin'
But we just drove past all the signs, all the signs
Not caring what the wise men say
What we might be missin'

How would we know
That we’d both end up cryin'
They say let go
I guess we’re still stuck tryin'
I get too nervous
I’m lost in this heartbreak
How long will this love take me down

Abominable Snowmen!

Wow, it's been forever since I've been on here. This blog interface feels foreign it's been so long. I've been really busy lately.

Regina weekend was relaxing and lots of fun. I harassed Pumpkin, visited with friends and family, caught up on some movies all good.

The next week I finally moved all my stuff to the new office. What a gong show! But now I work a block away from home and am all set up there. I have a nice window in my office now and I'm enjoying being downtown. Shannon and I took a walk outside today by the river, way more scenic than walking out by the airport!

Work is pretty hectic right now. I've been there late all this week. I can't wait for Christmas break right now. Hooray for a week off!

Darrell and I went to Calgary for the weekend. We stayed with his sister and brother in law in South Calgary. It felt like a whirlwind but we had lots of fun. I got to see John's new condo! And Jared and Conrad and various other Calgarians. I hurt John's feelings by going to Ikea without him. I seriously thought that Barbara and I tortured him last time by making him carry our stuff. There'll be a next time John. I did find some awesome curtains at Ikea to match my bedroom lamps. I'll have to get Darrell to hang them. I could do it, but he's so much handier and it'll probably be perfectly level and centered if he does it, I tend to get a little frustrated with that stuff sometimes and then it ends up good enough. There wasn't even any fighting or annoyances on the trip, weird. I think that's a road trip first. We saw Darrell's sister's art exhibit downtown, it was very cool, also had supper with Brett and Alnaar. It was so nice to see them. Alnaar is so cute and pregnant, it was nice to see. Darrell and I ended up being 40 mins late for supper though! It was my fault though, I was navigating on the map and didn't see which way Darrell turned on McLeod. We ended up going South instead of North, and I didn't realize which way we were going until we were far south, I was too enthralled in navigating and planning which way to go. And no fight, go figure. Still amazed at that. I took Darrell to his first 'all you can eat sushi' restaurant. All day, out of nowhere, I had to listen to impromptu yellings of "Sushi BBQ!" coming from him. But we found him a new winter coat that day so it was all worth it. He also got some really hot work clothes from Mexx. I didn't do any clothes shopping, I was happy with just doing Ikea. I got to meet Darrell's brother's family. His nieces are cute and sweet. Overall just a fun weekend.

Hopefully I get to do some christmas shopping this week. I have so many good ideas, I need to get on them. I'll share after Christmas, one is totally sweet.