Existential Moods

It's so amazing the difference a year makes.

Some days I feel like I've been through a war, an absolutely terrifying war, that I battled long and hard through. There were victories and injuries, trojan horses, and everything in between. But I survived. I have injuries, but I survived.

Before, I've complained on this blog that I don't have any goals, and I'm restless when I don't have goals. But within the last couple weeks, I noticed I'm working towards goals, even though I haven't formally stated them. It's not in list form, like the one I made right after high school, but life directional anyways.

And I kinda feel like I'm in limbo right now. Just waiting out the storm to regain strength and be off again. I shouldn't say storm per se, but just waiting, regenerating, observing.

Why is this all coming up you say? I dunno. I was just thinking about the Novemberance Eve party and last year I missed it. Because I was too sad to go. Then I'm talking about planning a trip to Morrocco, with people. Yes people. I always said I wanted to go on a big trip by myself, but that need isn't there for me anymore. I no longer want to do that. I think the big trip to Italy by myself was a way to figure out who I was, while being 100% in control of something, anything! My life was going in directions that I wasn't sure of at that time. I needed something to bring control. But through this so called war that I've gone through, there's no need for that, I did it. I have control of where I'm going and I know who I am and what I'm capable of and know when to ask for assistance! I also think I'm just happier and easier to get along with in general.

I really can't believe the difference a year makes....