I don't know what's with me lately. I've had so much energy and I'm just restless. Not bad restless, please keep my mind occupied restless, but I have energy fun restless. I seriously can't believe how much has gotten done in the last couple days, and not, oh gee I'd better do that, but in a how can I make this fun kinda way. I think somewhere in the last 2 years, I lost that part of my personality and it's found it's way back. Also my place is always filled with music, I've missed that too. Whether it's off my computer or I just pick a random galaxy channel, it just puts me at ease. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.
Also I'm starting to open myself up to a 'personal' life again. I think I may have just tried too soon, because it's actually coming naturally. There was a good little while where I just wasn't interested in guys no matter who they were or what they looked like. But now I see myself picking out traits that I find irrisistable, personality and looks wise. I seem to be attracted to the strong assertive type lately. Someone who has the guts to stand up to me and reason with me logically. That and some muscles never hurt anyone ;)
Although, sometimes the pessimist in me wonders, does resentment just come naturally in relationship? I mean sure everything's sunshiney in the beginning in all of them. Fun is had, you can't wait to be with one another. Then a couple years down the road and all of a sudden, both are comfortable so they can do what ever they want and resentment is inevitable. The line I struggle with the most is "I never expected you to actually leave". Well if you take your partner for granted everyday and you know they are very unhappy but aren't doing anything about it, what would you expect? Marriage or no marriage, if it's crappy, you're going to leave. From the girls nights I've been to, this is quite a common line said by guys. It just boggles my mind! Because obviously, if it's said, you know you're acting in a jerky way to your partner!
On the other hand, I was just reading Heather's blog, you tell people how to treat you. Do us girls end up bending so much to keep them happy that we lose a part of ourselves? In many relationships I've been in, especially the longer ones, I try many different attempts to change things, all while communicating that something needs to change for us to be happy. Are all these changes indications that I won't leave? Am I training people to resent me because of my pleasing and understanding nature? Or is it simply just my choice in men? What do you guys think?
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2 comments:
What do I think?
Well, I see from your post that you now find yourself attracted to assertive guys with muscles. I am not sure how this sets you apart from every other girl in North America, but I suppose that what seems vapid and generic to one person can be mature and refined to someone else.
Or something like that.
Anyway, I just wanted to clear something up. I understand that you’re under the impression that your boyfriend neglected you during your high school grad because he was cheating on you. The truth is, he was just so fed up with your garbage that even potential grad night sex wasn’t enough to make him want to spend time with you. I can see why you might think that he avoided you because another girl was on his mind, but the truth is you were so repugnant as to make a horny teenage virgin forget about sex on the one night it's practically guaranteed (or so movies have taught us).
Sometimes, the truth hurts.
I’m not going to check for replies – the last thing I want is for this to become a long, drawn-out exchange. I just heard a few things and figured I’d set you straight.
I used to be such a nice boy…
I don't think that by being flexible you teach people to walk all over you. I think in relationships people need to be flexible and compromise, and it always seems like you're the one compromising more than the other person, so keep an open mind (and eyes) to what your partner is doing. Maybe he is compromisin more than you thought. However I do think that there should be things that you won't compromise on, and if your partner doesn't like it you should leave. Cuz yes you need to be a good partner, but that shouldn't mean giving up the things that make you you. There's a saying I've often heard and I think it's very true. "Two half- people don't make a whole". By that it means that you can't give up so much of yourself and just expect your partner to "complete you". You should be able to be yourself, and find a partner that complements you. Keep in mind that I'm currently single, but this concept came from some marriage book I once read.
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